wiSHiNG, waITiNG, waNTiNG
wiSHiNG, waITiNG, waNTiNG
wiSHiNG, waITiNG, waNTiNG (wishing, waiting, wanting)
My body aches
The earth quakes
Holding a new life
In an expanding space
It hurts
All of it hurts
When will they be here?
Why do I feel like I am drowning in fear?
Who will I become
As I transition to Mom?
Is it normal for my legs
To feel so numb?
Constantly moving
Too nervous to sit down
Endless lists, concerns and discomforts
When will it slow down?
Did I mention that it hurts
All of it hurts
The swelling
The stretching
The weakness in my knees
When will my baby be here with me?
Will the pain end then?
Or is this my new reality?
I know it will all be worth it
If I can just endure it
I hope that I do not lose
Sight of me
And instead can welcome
The new version I will see
Why is worry
Trying to consume?
All I can think about is the human
Whose heart beats in my womb
Awaiting their arrival
Impatiently
Wishing
Waiting
Wanting it to be soon
Practicing courage
As I brave this monsoon
That is childbirth
Postpartum
And meeting
You.
- Emily Del Degan | MAINĀ
18in
Ink on wood panel
Hātobīto (Heartbeat) Collection
Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.
That morning when I awoke, I felt his heart start beating inside of mine. A profound connection that holds such power to be felt immediately. Two souls aligning, destined to face this life together. A bond that can not be seen, nor broken only felt and honored.
"I know you are there
Inside of me
I feel you
In my soul
I cannot yet feel your kicks
Your hiccups or your dancing
But I feel you near"
I wrote this short poem that morning, the moment that my eyes opened. I just knew. Our son was with us, growing, making his debut.
Two weeks later the sweetest sound that I have ever heard, a fast and sweet heartbeat on the doppler. Our lives forever changed, for the better.
This collection of works brings to life the beautifully intricate mess of intensity that is pregnancy. This journey paints a picture of magic and pain, calmness and horror. Each emotion more potent than the next, and then it is complete. 10 months of growth, change and abundance has come all too fast and yet painfully slow, to an end. A new adventure is about to begin.
A message to my pre-partum self, and to any of you who may find yourself with this magic inside and awaiting you:
Although the light can feel as if it is being eclipsed by darkness, you will find balance. Each moment lasts only that, a moment. Hold yourself lovingly as you lean into this uncertainty. Your soul will guide you through the turbulence that is creating life. You have permission to soften, an incredible journey awaits you.
My hope is that this collection of paintings and poetry validates and inspires you throughout your own journey and beyond.
- Emily Del Degan | MAINĀ